operation just keeping plugging away at it

September 22, 2021

A few days ago I read some of my journal entries from January and February 2020, when covid was still something happening on the other side of the world, a news story third or fourth down on the roster. A bit surreal. I was doing my usual start of the year pep talks and goal setting. I started a big redecorating mission. That was gonna be the year, guys. Big things were happening, I could just feel it.

Welp, you know what they say about the light at the end of the tunnel being a train….

I still think I’ve been incredibly lucky, even with all the loss and derailed plans. And yet, my assessment of the last year and a half, and how well I have — or maybe haven’t — been doing keeps changing. Some days I think I’m fine, and some days I feel as full of rage as I ever have in my life, utterly broken with it. Some days I feel like I’m existing in the new normal and old normal simultaneously, and that’s just weird. Yay, I’m going to a convention next week! And I will be masked and won’t eat out or drink in the bar, and…yeah.

This past weekend I overhauled my kitchen to get rid of clutter, reclaim counter space, and make better use of shelves and storage, and that felt fantastic. Like something got unstuck, and maybe I need to get back to that big redecorating mission.

Which is a reminder, and one of those lessons I seem to need to learn over and over again: these things are a process. I’ve overhauled my kitchen but it’s going to be an ongoing process to keep it that way. It’s okay that my feelings about the last year or so keep changing. There’s really nothing static about nature. Just keep swimming.

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