March 17, 2017

So, this is like a “What If?” story about the worst of all possible X-Men worlds. Grim, dystopian, and entirely predictable.  The movie opens with Logan killing a bunch of guys.  Every third scene after that is Logan and Mini Me killing a bunch of guys.  Apparently, there are exactly three ways to kill someone with adamantium claws, and they do it over and over and over again, and by the end of this thing I was super bored.

You know what I’d like to see?  The version of this story with no fight scenes.  Here’s how that works:  The best parts of the movie were, like, Laura and Charles bonding, and Laura having to figure out how to eat a nice family dinner, Logan playing caretaker to both of them — a role he is entirely unsuited to — and Charles trying to balance medication with his increasingly erratic control of his powers.  Imagine a movie with all of that, and the threat of violence dogging them through their whole trek, but not actual violence.  Imagine the tension.  And then the only fight is the one at the end, when all that tension bursts.

But see, that would have been a lot harder to write.  This one?  This movie was lazy. The fights were the least interesting part, but they just kept happening.  And I don’t care if she has the highest kill rate in the film, Laura is still a cloying moppet.

And I just want everyone to know that there are no mountains, pine forests, aspen groves, or anything but preternaturally flat, wind-blasted prairie on the border between North Dakota and Canada.

Honestly, my favorite part of the whole thing was seeing Marjorie Liu’s name in the credits.  Good job, Marjorie!




8 Responses to “Logan”

  1. WanabePBWriter Says:

    Spoilers do not concern me.” So is the kid Loagns or is she some construct from Stryker?

  2. WanabePBWriter Says:

    Spoilers do not concern me.” So is the kid Logans or is she some construct from Stryker?

  3. carriev Says:

    Genetically she’s his daughter, but she was cooked up in a lab with cloned whatsit or something. So, the answer is yes!

  4. Carbonman Says:

    No action would have meant it wasn’t an X-Men movie. Considering the intended audience, it was a very restrained story re action and violence.

  5. So basically, she’s X-23, then.

  6. Also, speaking of movies in theaters right now, from a (semi-)literary perspective, I think you might find Kong: Skull Island interesting, as the plot is basically Apocalypse Now (with a little bit of Moby-Dick added in for good measure) with a giant gorilla at its center. As such, is positively dripping with references to said film and, by extension, Heart of Darkness.

    Plus, it’s set in the same continuity/’verse as Godzilla from 3 years earlier, and the human characters this time around are much more interesting.

  7. carriev Says:

    Laura is explicitly X-23. That’s why Marjorie got a “thanks to” in the credits.

  8. LupLun Says:

    Should of done it on a double bill with Beauty and the Beast, for the compare/contrast factor.

    No, I lie. You should have seen Beauty and the Beast because it’s awesome.

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