the movie I was supposed to go see this weekend

June 29, 2012

Today is the day GI Joe: Retaliation was supposed to open.  I am very sad that it is not, mostly because its delay probably means the filmmakers are currently, as we speak, taking an axe to it in order to turn it into some unwatchable dreck.  A Real American Hero deserves better, you guys!

Instead, the movie that will probably be this weekend’s biggest opening is something called Magic Mike, which seems to be about male strippers and features an oiled up shirtless Matthew McConaughey.  (And also Channing Tatum, aka Duke in GI Joe.  Maybe Hollywood decided the universe couldn’t handle two Channing Tatum movies opening the same weekend?  Hm…)  I know many women who are very excited about Magic Mike.  Me, as much as I approve of the concept of shirtless Matthew McConaughey, not so much.  Because I am the person who thinks a man in fatigues carrying an assault rifle is way sexier than a naked oiled man pelvic thrusting his way across a stage.  COMPETENCE IS SEXY.

Oh, and then I found this:

A few things about this poster:

A)  Watch, as for the next five years, every action movie tries to be The Avengers.

B)  I don’t know whether I should be proud or embarrassed that I know who all these characters are.

C)  Lady Jaye looks great, but why the hell is Jinx in that stupid ass-out pose that has gotten to the point where it makes me cry a little inside every time I see it?  (Though I will confess that shirtless Storm Shadow partially makes up for it.  Partially.)

Also, I wonder when I’m going to break down and make a whole GI Joe category to file these things in…


9 Responses to “the movie I was supposed to go see this weekend”

  1. So, nothing to do with your post, but a THING THAT IS AWESOME that seems right up your alley (assuming you haven’t seen it already) is Prada’s Men Fall line….featuring Gary Oldman and others in steampunk-esque fashions.

  2. Err, not that what Prada came up with is what I think of when I picture steampunk fashions, but mostly that any excuse to put Gary Oldman and Willem Dafoe in anything resembling steampunk fashion is awesome.

  3. todayiwatchedamovie Says:

    It’s so weird to see the trailer for this film on almost every recently-released DVD I’ve rented.

    It looks a lot better than the first one, but like you said, they’re probably destroying it as I type this.

  4. WanabePBWriter Says:

    The Prada photos also seem to have an element of Jedi Pimp as well.

  5. Rebecca Hewett Says:

    WOW! Thank you Kalen for such great eye candy! And the men were lovely to look at too. Wish I could afford to put Kevin in some of that stuff. He does need a new suit. Hmmmm…

  6. James Targett Says:

    I think I might feel the way about Transformers the way you feel about GI Joe. I have given up on Michael Bay doing anything that resembles the awesomeness of what Simon Furman was doing in the comic when I was growing up.

    I have low-expectations from Hollywood when they commoditise / re-imagine comic books, old movies … just about anything else that has already been successful in some other form of media. The Avengers seems to be the exception to the rule.

  7. musicalmom Says:

    Amen on your competence comment; although that said, there are a whole lot of other guys I’d much rather see shirtless than McCaunaughy. 😉

  8. Jakk Says:

    It was probably a good idea to pull the movie from this date. Between Magic Mike, Ted(the talking bear movie from Seth McFarlane of Family Guy fame, which ended up winning the #1 top slot), and strong showings for the new Tyler Perry movie and last weeks Brave PLUS the opening of the Amazing Spider-Man this Wednesday for the holiday, and you have the makings for a very low box office, which would mean no more GI Joe movies. The last movie did well by giving it a August movie release, which is a huge wasteland for decent movies, as the studios keep trying to pack them in from May thru July.

    All i know is, i plan on seeing it just to see Bruce Willis play Joe. THAT alone sold me.

  9. […] Vaughn laments the lack of GIJOE this weekend, spends some time pondering copycat film advertising and the whole objectification (of men and […]

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