watching romantic comedies with the sound off

October 20, 2011

It never fails, I’m on a cross-country flight and the movie being shown is a romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson.  This happened on the way to Maryland last Thursday.  I never intend on watching the movie.  I plug into my iPod, read a book, do some writing, whatever.  But that screen is hanging in the aisle, right above me.  It’s hard not to look up every now and then.  And I have to admit, I kind of like seeing how much of the plot I can get without actually hearing any of it.  So, without further ado, my review of Something Borrowed, without sound.

This is a terrible movie.

The gist of the story seems to be “It’s okay if you destroy all your friendships just as long as you get a douchebag boyfriend at the end.”  Seriously, I couldn’t believe she ended up with that guy.  I almost plugged in the sound just to find out what incredible amazing things he was saying to her to get her to take him back over and over again.  Those must have been some hella magic words.

The plot:  The guy is engaged to main character’s best friend, played by Kate Hudson, who isn’t the hero here but the bitchy best friend. (We know she’s a bitch because she gets botox treatments and yells at the tech administering them.)  But the guy and main character get drunk and sleep together.  Then decide it was a bad idea.  Then it happens again.  I think he tells her that he’s going to leave Kate Hudson for her, but then he doesn’t.  Then it happens again.  There are many, many long lingering shots of the main character’s face looking very sad while trying to smile encouragingly at her bitchy best friend.  This gets very old.  I can’t imagine it gets any less old with the sound on.  Main character has a male best friend who seems very kind and wonderful and I thought they were going to get together by the end, but I’m pretty sure he was supposed to be gay.  Or he was telling people he was gay to avoid dating this other woman.  About two thirds of the way through the thing I couldn’t decide what would be worse:  if she ended up with the douchebag fiance, or if the gay best friend decided that he wasn’t gay so he could hook up with her.  This movie had no good possible ending.

So, douchebag finally dumps Kate Hudson and runs off with the main character, who seems entirely pleased to take him.  I assume they get married after the credits roll.  But I gotta tell you, if I was her, I’d be at my reception wondering which of my bridesmaids he was boinking in the coat room.

Plus, it’s really hard to sympathize with the angst of people who spend their weekends at a Southampton beach house. (The movie took particular care to show us that this was Southampton by focusing on the town sign, along with rows of high-end shops that normal people never ever shop at.  Not that any of the characters ever did any shopping.)

I checked Rotten Tomatoes when I got home to see if anyone agreed with me about how awful this movie is:  14%.  Booyah!  Did I call that or what?


7 Responses to “watching romantic comedies with the sound off”

  1. Andrew Says:

    This was awesome. You may need to make this a regular feature of your blog.

  2. Tee Says:

    I agree! I love your movie reviews and forward them to people. Try explaining why Thor sucked etc, some folks have such low expectations for plot if there are good special effects! I think the same must be true for romantic comedies, weren’t they all so PRETTY and HANDSOME?? Seems to be a big get out of jail free card if you put in some eye candy or famous actors..

  3. Jakk Says:

    I loved Thor, but with that said, i do think Carrie’s Soundless Movie Reviews would make a fun feature. Gave me images of her heckling the movie ala MST3K.

    And Carrie? Thank you for saving us from this one. Well done.

  4. Charlie Says:

    Good rule to follow – if Kate Hudson is in a film, it will almost certainly be awful (unless that film is Almost Famous).

  5. Rebecca Says:

    I agree with the comments above, you need to write things like this more often! This was very funny. ^_^

    Romantic comedies – it’s seems to be very difficult to produce a good movie in this particular genre… *sigh*

  6. […] romantic comedies and mentioned Something Borrowed as the worst one of the year, agreeing with my own assessment.  She says she’s writing a book on how to write romantic comedies.  This is a sorely-needed […]

  7. Doruk Says:

    I seem to remember to actually read the book this is based on, and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I was supposed to root for a girl who would sleep with the fiancee of her best friend of many years. Oh, and then we find out that the best friend was cheating on the fiancee too, which, obviously, made it alright ;P

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