in the deep midwinter
January 8, 2011
I’ve been mood swinging, never a pleasant thing. It means being both ecstatic and despairing in the space of an hour. I have a lot of work to do, and it’s the slogging tedious kind of work like copy edits and revisions. The only thing to do is just do it. But I’m also 10,000 words into a new and different novel from what I’ve done before, and that makes me happy. But it also means I’ve been spending a lot of time mired in indecision because I just don’t know what to work on right at that moment.
I gave myself an hour off today to bake bread from scratch. This is only the second or so time I’ve done it, and this effort seems to have gone better than the last. I was feeling happy, because of baking bread and making tea and putting a dent in some of the aforementioned work.
Then I went to make a quick e-mail/FB check, and I learned about this, and it has made me wretchedly unhappy. The way the rhetoric has been going the last couple of years, I have feared something like this while hoping it would never happen. It’s easy to despair.
But I also feel this sudden calm, because my own personal problems, the ones I deal with every day: they are so very, very small.