why i would fail as a motivational speaker

May 1, 2010

Happy May Day!

The Iron Giant is one of my favorite movies, for lots and lots of reasons (Brad Bird directs, based on book by Ted Hughes, Vin Diesel as the voice of the giant — no, really!).  And one of my favorite scenes is in the junkyard, after Hogarth convinces beat dude Dean to let him drink a cup of espresso, and Hogarth goes on a rant about homework.  This rant is awesome.  I tried to find it on YouTube, but it isn’t there. le sigh.  But here, I can quote it for you:

I was getting all A’s.  My mom says, “You need stimulation.”  I go, “I’m stimulated enough now.” [“That’s for sure,” Dean says.]  But she says, “You need a challenge.”  No, I don’t need a challenge.  So now I’m challenged…to keep my lunch money from the big mooses who want to pound me because I’m a shrimpy dork who thinks he’s smarter than them.  But I don’t think I’m smarter, I just do the stupid homework.  If everyone else just did the stupid homework, they could move up a grade and get pounded too.  Any more coffee?

Whenever anyone asks me how I got published, a little part of me wants to yell, like an espresso-fueled maniac, “I just did the stupid homework!  If everyone just did the stupid homework, they could get published too!”

This is why I think I would suck as a motivational speaker.  Occasionally, I think about putting together a workshop on goal setting and getting things done.  Then I think about what would happen if I started ranting like Hogarth.  “You just do the stupid homework!”  Yeah, that might not go over so well…

So, I couldn’t find the scene I wanted, but I found this one.  There I go, crying like a baby…


10 Responses to “why i would fail as a motivational speaker”

  1. Casey Says:

    This clip. scroll to 2:10 and enjoy!

  2. carriev Says:

    Ah, your net-fu is strong! I was looking for _Hogarth_ moments!

    Thank you!

  3. Casey Says:

    You’re very welcome. There actually was the coffee specific clip on there at one point, but the user removed it awhile back. What a brilliant film as well.

    Its not just the writing world where the grrr-arrrgh moments happen like that though…in the “IT” field…it can lead to brain embolisms in techs. 😀

    —“you set your coffee down on the cd tray because you thought it was a coffee holder?”—

  4. Gillian Says:

    The end of this movie always makes me cry. Stop on it while channel surfing = tears. Walk through a room where it’s on = tears. Imagine the end playing in my head = tears.

    I also breakdown at the end of Ghost in the Shell: 2nd Gig when the tachikoma sacrifice themselves. Hmm I may have a soft spot for machines.

  5. Anon Says:

    I’m not so sure that wouldn’t be motivating. It’s one thing to know you just need to sit down and do it, it’s another thing to hear from someone else who’s done it. A lot of aspiring writers, myself included, haven’t really connected the idea behind having time to sit and write to having a finished product in our subconscious.

  6. Ty Says:

    “You are the cause of your own failures,” works for so many things, doesn’t it?

    People hate to hear it though.

  7. carriev Says:

    They sure don’t… They also don’t like to hear, “Sometimes it’s worth doing something hard to get what you want.” I know, because I’ve used that one.

  8. Anon Says:

    Doing something hard? I dunno, I mean, I want the out come, but that sounds like a lot of work…


  9. carriev Says:

    Here, have some espresso.

  10. izzybella Says:

    That was amusing. That’s the reason I switched majors from social work. I had this micro-practice course where we were supposed to develop appropriate responses for varied case studies, and half the time, mine were “life’s hard sometimes, suck it up!!” I don’t think I’m an unsympathetic person and there are certainly times when someone has problems that are completely beyond their control. But for problems they are entirely capable of resolving on their own? Fix it or stop complaining. So yeah-I’d have been a terrible social worker.

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