the movie I was supposed to go see this weekend
June 29, 2012
Today is the day GI Joe: Retaliation was supposed to open. I am very sad that it is not, mostly because its delay probably means the filmmakers are currently, as we speak, taking an axe to it in order to turn it into some unwatchable dreck. A Real American Hero deserves better, you guys!
Instead, the movie that will probably be this weekend’s biggest opening is something called Magic Mike, which seems to be about male strippers and features an oiled up shirtless Matthew McConaughey. (And also Channing Tatum, aka Duke in GI Joe. Maybe Hollywood decided the universe couldn’t handle two Channing Tatum movies opening the same weekend? Hm…) I know many women who are very excited about Magic Mike. Me, as much as I approve of the concept of shirtless Matthew McConaughey, not so much. Because I am the person who thinks a man in fatigues carrying an assault rifle is way sexier than a naked oiled man pelvic thrusting his way across a stage. COMPETENCE IS SEXY.
Oh, and then I found this:
A few things about this poster:
A) Watch, as for the next five years, every action movie tries to be The Avengers.
B) I don’t know whether I should be proud or embarrassed that I know who all these characters are.
C) Lady Jaye looks great, but why the hell is Jinx in that stupid ass-out pose that has gotten to the point where it makes me cry a little inside every time I see it? (Though I will confess that shirtless Storm Shadow partially makes up for it. Partially.)
Also, I wonder when I’m going to break down and make a whole GI Joe category to file these things in…