Transformers 2
July 3, 2009
First, I want to apologize to Ty for giving money to Michael Bay. It won’t happen again. Next round of margaritas are on me, ‘kay?
Second, I’m not going to go into details, because there’s not too much I can say that hasn’t already been said.
Third, it really wasn’t much worse than Terminator Salvation (or, as a friend said, “I don’t hate it any more than I hated Terminator.”). I’m a little disappointed, because I really wanted to see how something could be worse. Maybe it’s because both movies have exactly the same climactic moment. (“Here! Take my heart/used up oily bits!”) There are differences: Terminator is nonsensical; Transformers is ridiculous.
But I now have an awesome, awesome plan. I got through both Transformers movies by pretending that they’re actually G.I. Joe vs. Transformers and the two army guys are actually Flint and Roadblock. (Try it! It works!) I was so happy to see them back so I could cling to my coping mechanism. So here’s what we do: When the DVD for T:RotF comes out, we take all the cool army bits with Flint and Roadblock and the aircraft carrier-mounted rail gun and crap like that and splice them to any salvageable cool bits from the upcoming G.I. Joe movie (Assuming there are any. I expect they’ll mostly involve the scenes with Christopher Ecclestone, Dennis Quaid, and Ray Park.), and then we’ll have an actual, watchable G.I. Joe vs. Transformers movie.
How about it?
July 3, 2009 at 1:16 pm
I loved Transformers 2!!!
However, I have no inclination to see Terminator:Salvation. I did NOT like T3 AT ALL, and while it looks pretty on previews and Christian Bale is in it, Salvation doesn’t look like what I wanted to see for John and the future. So…maybe on DVD but probably not.
July 3, 2009 at 7:31 pm
I like your fan-edit plan. Let us know when we can download it.
July 3, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Don’t even think it!!! Though it sounds cool and all, the MPAA would arrange an “accident” for you.
…unless you could get Snake Eyes to be your bodyguard … that would be cool.
July 4, 2009 at 6:40 am
I have so many other uses for the price of a movie ticket, even at the two-dollar theaters, I marvel those flicks made any money at all. Then I remembered the audience they were intended for, adolescent boys, and smiled indulgently. But for me, I’m going to use the cash to buy the next Kitty book when it comes out.
July 4, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Oh, you guys are all killing me! Transformers 2 was great and here’s why:
As a 33 year old male, I remember getting up early enough to watch the cartoons before or after school in 3rd and 4th grade. I purchased each of the construct-agons individually in order to make my own green devastator at home. (which always fell apart if you tried to move it)
This movie not only succeeded in reinvigorating my youthful enthusiasm. (Optimus Prime’s pre/post show diatribes and all) But it also appealed to me on a more mature level by not taking itself too seriously and having a great sense of humor. True, it may be toilet humor in some cases. (referring to Devastator’s giant wrecking ‘balls’) And what else are you going to get with actors like John Turturro.
But what did you expect from a movie based on a 1980’s kids cartoon about giant alien space robots that disguise themselves as cars and planes?
If there’s one thing Michael Bay does well, it’s tempering action, explosions, comedy and drama all in the right proportions. When he does this well we get great movies like Armageddon and BOTH Transformers movies. When he tries to make something more dramatic, we end up with something like “The Island” and “Pearl Harbor”. Ugh. Worthy efforts Mr. Bay, but please keep producing more movies like “Transformers” and I will happily continue to patronize your films.
July 4, 2009 at 3:58 pm
And here I was, thinking that if you removed every single scene where the movie thinks it’s being funny, you’d actually have a pretty good action flick.
I don’t necessarily want a movie to take itself seriously. But I want it to take its audience seriously.
July 5, 2009 at 5:32 am
I think Mr. Bay really missed the mark on this one. He missed the chance to make the decepticons a more epic enemy by requiring a multinational effort. Think “Independence Day” but with robots instead of the city-sized saucers. Oh yeah, and no deus ex machina like Jeff Goldblum’s virus that mysteriously affects alien vessels.
There is no way I’m seeing the “G.I. Joe” movie after
this fiasco. The trailers for it look like “The Matrix” with an even worse excuse for showing fancy special effects, err…… plot.
I’m not sure I can stand much more of my childhood icons being drug through the mud for the greater glory of capitalism.
July 5, 2009 at 6:32 pm
I agree with you, Carrie. Ramon Rodriguez as a wanna be John Leguizamo and the twins were completely redundant. I liked the first movie because the humor was in it, and happened naturally. EVERY scene with those three looked like some writer came in and said “it needs more gags… let’s add some more characters”. John Turturro was good as humor himself. The plot needed to move a little faster, and let me ask… why did the director feel the need to induce motion sickness with those 5-minute spinning shots? Soundwave was cool, but not a boom box. (Liked the cat, though.) And… if that shard did that to the blackbird, why not just do it to Optimus 20 minutes earlier?? I’d like to blame Bay, but I think I’m sticking it to the writers. Maybe Hasbro, if they needed more toys.
Mr. Bowles, didn’t you know aliens use Apple computers? Also, I don’t have any illusions about my childhood icons… remember, they all existed for the sole purpose of getting you to bug your parents to buy that toy. (My favorite was the Mask Boulder Mountain playset.)
July 6, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Yeah, your point is well taken. Nothing you liked as a kid is ever as good when you look at it again as an adult.
Still, though, they had many iconic Transformers to choose from and instead they used the twins? That gets both a big fat “WTF?” and “epic fail!”.
July 7, 2009 at 11:13 am
Holy shit, is that the David Bowles I know? Wow, small world.
Be nice to Carrie while you’re here, she’s a friend.
Also, Carrie, it is entirely your fault (your 9 dollars fault) that we will now have a Transformers 3, and Michael ‘Racism is funny!’ Bay will have three new villas in Europe.
You owe many, many margaritas.
July 8, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Well I’m the one that lives in Cincinnati and is going for a PhD in biochemistry after this year. If that’s the one you know, I’m it.
I wouldn’t think of being mean to Carrie. She’s cute, and I really enjoy her stories and furthermore, she’d ban me if I wasn’t nice
I must admit, though, I’ve never been interested in this genre until I got stuck screening Twilight for my aunt to see if it was appropriate for my cousin.(I read very, very quickly and no one else had the time)
Twilight was okay, but I hit the web to see if I could find something a little more…. grown-up? And so here I am checking out Carrie’s website.
July 27, 2009 at 5:41 am
I think this is the best Harry Potter movie yet, much darker than the previous ones
July 28, 2009 at 11:04 pm
I won’t comment on the Transformers movie because I haven’t seen it and never will. But I must mention the hilarious, excoriating review of the movie by Charlie Jane Anders at io9: Michael Bay finally made an art movie.